Prepared for a Purpose

As an attorney referee, Leigh Feldman seeks unique opportunities to share Christ’s love in the workplace

By Bennett Rolan – BSF Editorial Manager

Though she is required to separate her personal faith from legal recommendations, Leigh finds hope in God, who “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

“I’ve really taken a different perspective on my cases,” she said. “I try to look at how Jesus handled the people He dealt with and how He tackled difficult problems. He always showed respect and love. Those are the principles I’m learning to apply.”

Having dealt with alcoholism, abuse and dysfunction in her own childhood home, Leigh’s prayer is to see litigants in the way that God does.

“Most of the people I see in court come in assuming that because I work for the government, I’m trying to make their lives worse. When they encounter respect and patience, they start to think, ‘Maybe I can trust this person,’ ” Leigh said. “They start to realize that I’m not judging them as individual people but rather decide the issue at hand. Even a small bit of extra patience or caring can go a long way in getting to a place where they are willing to comply with court orders.”

As one of the few believers in her office, Leigh’s long days can feel lonely. Though she is not able to share details about her cases, Leigh’s BSF group has become a major support.

Starting with Prayer

“The biggest thing I’m always reminded of through BSF is to start with prayer,” she said. “There have been times that I’ve just fallen on my knees. I know when I send a quick text to pray, there are women who are on their knees with me.”

Leigh has seen the power of prayer as God worked in several of her more difficult cases, the worst involving severe child abuse or sexual assault. “These children have had their innocence stolen,” Leigh said. “They have to live with the emotional and physical scars of their abuse. How can I give their abusers due process or treat them fairly? I can only do it with the power of God. I’m not their judge. God is.”

In cases like these, Leigh draws from her own personal experiences to relate to her clients and develop a deeper sense of compassion. Her parents divorced when she was in elementary school, turning Leigh’s world upside-down. But her mother’s commitment to church involvement kept the family stable.

“I was at a huge risk for going down the wrong path,” Leigh said. “There was no way I could have orchestrated where I am today, it had to be God. He is using my personal understanding of broken homes. I know I’m here for a reason.”

When Leigh shares her own story with the foster kids she meets, including the fact she was the first person in her family to graduate from college, the effect is usually immediate.

“It almost always shocks them,” she said. “They typically come into court assuming I can’t relate to any part of their lives. I think I can have a lot of compassion and empathy. When they are defensive, I understand where they’re coming from. I can give them more room to be angry because I understand their frustration.”

After closing a case, Leigh often shares her office number with the children she has seen as a lifeline for those who may need additional support. “If they open the door at all, I can start to share my faith with them,” Leigh said.

“I’ve had kids bring in their report cards to show me. Another young lady went on a mission trip. She also started running and brought in the medal from her first 5k and gave it to me. I keep that medal and the thank you letters in my desk as a reminder of why God placed me in this position.”

Leigh clings to those victories because so many of the cases she hears do not end well. Parents continue to struggle with drugs and alcohol, and abused children grow up repeating the cycle. But in the midst of this brokenness, Leigh knows God is working.

“There’s a reason why not everyone needs to work in this area,” she said. “God gives me those reminders when I’m ready to give up. I can see His hand and His work in the lives of these kids.”

What can we learn from Leigh’s story? 

God places His people in strategic places. He often uses difficult circumstances to prepare us to impact others for Christ. Leigh’s childhood could have held her in bondage, but God worked in the midst of her pain and suffering. And she is not afraid to share her own story of brokenness. Opening her own life to others opens doors of understanding and healing. The good news enters in!

Just as God used Joseph’s past to prepare him to save the nation of Israel in Genesis 37, He continues to prepare His people through the hard circumstances of yesterday and today. When faced with past suffering, and the brothers who sold him into slavery, Joseph said, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20)

So, how has God prepared you for your current circumstances? How can you openly share your past experiences, including your hardships, to relate to those around you?

Leigh clings to God’s strength and deeper purpose as she shares Christ’s love with others through the family court system. How might God be calling you to engage with those around you for Jesus?

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”   

– Ephesians 2:10

God’s Word Leads to Glory

Celebrating the Life of Ena Ballinger

By Bennett Rolan – BSF Editorial Manager

As I have spent the last few days going through thousands of photos, it became very clear to me that what I want everyone to see is that although Ena lived just 28 years, she crammed a lifetime into them.

Ena gave me the best gift a child can give a parent — her faith in God. I have no doubt, whatsoever, where she is spending eternity.

Ena grew up in the church. She has always known and believed who God and Jesus are. She went to Sunday school, was in youth group, was baptized, went on mission trips and volunteered her time and money as part of her Christian faith. But, over the past four months, God has become real to her in a new way.

Ena and I joined a weekly women’s Bible study in September. I wanted her to be around women her own age and not just her mom all of the time. The study was Romans this year, and she had the most wonderful leader, who is reading this to you right now. She and Ena became fast friends, and Annie has helped Ena to understand God in ways she had not thought of before.

This is what Ena wanted others to know that she has learned. It is not hard to follow Christ or accept His free gift of salvation. There is not a list of rules to follow, and all of your good deeds and good intentions will not get you there. You cannot work your way to heaven. No matter how good you try to be, on your own you will never be good enough. We achieve the eternity Ena is experiencing at this very moment through the grace of God by accepting His Son, whom He loved.

Everyone knows John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Most people do not read the next verse, which is equally as important. John 3:17 says, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.” We learn in Romans 8, there is therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans also teaches us that NO ONE is perfect. We will never achieve perfection in this life. Ena is perfect now because her faith has brought her into eternity. She has a new body free from earthly limitations, pain and disease. 

Ena’s verse for herself was Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Ena was certainly afflicted, but she had hope and she had the joy that can only come from knowing God. 

Because of the great hope Ena and Steven both had, they were able to live most days of the last year of her life like she did not have cancer. They enjoyed each moment as a gift.

When you have a loved one with cancer, especially your child, you pray for huge miracles: ‘Please just save her life.’ As time progresses and chemo becomes the routine, you pray for the little things: ‘Please let her sleep all night,’ ‘Please let her stop throwing up,’ ‘Please let her breathing be easy.’ As I look back over the last year of my daughter’s life, I see we were experiencing a miracle all along. Her last year could have been spent in daily pain, sickness and depression, but it wasn’t.

SHE LIVED!

“Multiple trips to Disney, her beautiful wedding on her original chosen date in April, a honeymoon to Alaska, trips to our beach on Anna Maria Island, swimming with the sea lions in the Keys, even a Thanksgiving trip to California, where Steven’s entire family got to be together.

She even started working a few hours every other week, where the staff made sure rocking a newborn was on the agenda for her each time. By being able to go to a weekly Bible study, the one thing she got to do that did not have anything to do with cancer, she met new women and grew in her faith. She loved seeing God and Christ in a brand-new way.

Ena almost left this earth a year ago, I am so glad God gave her to us for another year and that it was spent so well. Not a moment was wasted, no regrets. What wonderful memories we all have from this past year.

I’ve talked to God a lot this past year … begged Him, cried out to Him. I asked Him several times that if Ena loses her earthly life, to please let me have a glimpse of what she is seeing. Everyone wants this, of course, but few receive it.

As Ena was taking her last breaths, she smiled with each one, and then those beautiful, blue eyes, which had been closed for hours, opened up clearly. She looked at all of us surrounding her, and then she was gone.

What we saw in her eyes was her entering the unimaginable beauty of Heaven.”

Thank you God!

Thank you for Ena’s LIFE.

Thank you for taking her home in such an amazing way.